Some Random Ramblings

Everyone has a moment of rage where all his/her inner frustration is vented out by some constant pricking thorn in the side. Well, this is my moment.

For quite some time now, every time I open my Facebook account, someone or the other has posted something new regarding the ongoing debate on the Maharashtra issue. Now I respect people's right to have their opinions & love a healthy debate. But to speak incessantly about something without having an iota of knowledge on the matter does not help. But when I saw someone refer to Balasaheb Thackeray with an abject insult, that was the final straw.

First the issue. For all those flaunting that golden rule in the constitution which says "Every Indian has the right to move & live anywhere he wishes", why don't you invite some of them to your homes? Or in your apartment building compounds for that matter. There's lots of space where all those poor souls with no means of livelihood can find some shelter. Every Indian also has a right to live in their homes, so what about those scores of Indians, the Kashmiri Pandits, who have been driven out of their homes. Or do all rights only apply to people from the cow-belt. And the necessity to follow rules only to those cowards who fail to raise a voice. Or may be you can go teach some of that to those in the North-East who gun down Biharis. Or to people in Tamil Nadu, who regard the national language with disdain. And please, enough with that "Why follow the bad examples?" crap. Maharashtra does not follow examples, it sets them. Nobody's bread comes at a city's cost. And just because a city is doing well, it doesn't mean it has to limitlessly bear the burden of states where leaders are too busy eating cow fodder to think of their progress.

Now this thing about "Outsiders have made Mumbai". MUMBAI MADE EVERYONE AND MAHARASHTRA MADE MUMBAI. If they were all so great, why didn't they set up their factories where they came from. If Mumbai runs today, its because the rest of Maharashtra sacrifices itself for it. Right from the boundary of Mumbai, places like Thane suffer at least 8 hours of power cuts, so that the City that never sleeps can run smoothly. This very fact has been pointed out by Babasaheb Ambedkar in one of his books. Will UP & Bihar allow part of their power supply to be routed to Mumbai? Well go fuck yourselves, we don't even want it. We just want our share from the national treasury that Maharashtra fills up most, but never gets anything in return for its development. The sad part is some of my fellow Maharashtrians also fall prey to this belief that we need help to prosper. All we need to do is look how well Gujarat, especially the city of Ahmedabad is doing. I don't remember the last time "Chhat Puja" was held there.

Then people go on about how different languages create barriers. The first language to create a barrier was our national language, when it was put out for a vote in the Parliament. The truth is we are a country of diverse cultures. All the states were formed on the basis of linguistic diversity. Thus, every state is entitled to promote its language. Which every state does. Except when Maharashtra does it, they term it as detrimental to the "democratic fabric" of our country.

Now, about all those people abusing the Thackerays. It seems to me we are a country of incurable conformists. We are happy with something that fits into a certain "politically correct" mold we have created. Anything that seems slightly out of place is shunned. (To divert to another topic that I noticed recently, musicians who do not conform to what is the stereotypical view of the ideal, are termed as "gay" - now what relation sexual orientation & musical ability have, I do not know) Back to the Thackerays, because they do not make all those cliched right "political" noises like the others, they are termed 'illiterate' and dangerous. On the other hand, people (I despise calling these insults to humanity this) like Lalu, Amar Singh and their ilk, who are truly destroying our country, seem perfectly fine to these "intellectuals" because they fit into that cliched mold of a politician. If one reads into the history of the Thackerays, one can easily observe they are anything but 'illiterate'. Raj Thackeray probably reads more books in a week, than we did for our entire undergraduate degree. And regarding Balasaheb Thackeray, before calling him names, better understand that you do not even have enough aukaad to judge the dirt beneath his feet. I do know both Raj & Uddhav have their own political ambitions. Who doesn't? And after every misfit cronie who has ever held office in this country, I would most certainly want someone like a Raj Thackeray be given a chance at power. So what if their children go to English schools. Did they ever say not to learn another language? Do their kids not understand or speak Marathi? Such useless comments don't even pass muster. Then, on the other side we have somebody like a Rahul Gandhi. Young, suave, educated - packaged & sold to the Indian youth like any of the latest gizmos we buy. From the history of the Congress, its not difficult to know what to expect from him. Though he is far better than grade-A dacoits & cons like Lalu et al, his latest speeches have been unnecessary harping. He better be careful with his talk on Maharashtra - he might be born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but he might end up with a Kolhapuri chappal lodged in his ass. (hey, I didn't actually abuse him :D)

The end, for now.

Statutory Warning: This article was written by me in a state of fitful rage. Hence the excessively inciting comments. If any one has a problem, then all I have to say is, you can kiss my abusive, conceited, brash Marathi ass.

Jai Hind, Jai Maharashtra!!!

Aman Ki Aaaashaaaaa 2032

The year 2032. The Whines of India, the country’s leading newspaper, feels it’s that time of the year to revive our age-old tradition of tolerance & non-violence, and invite our dear neighbor Pakistan over for a peaceful dialogue using a new money-making, oops, confidence-building exercise called Aman ki Asha.

Indian Prime Minister Janamse Chandi, descendant of the prestigious Chandi family, has this to say, “India has always desired friendly relations with Pakistan. We are confident of a positive response from Pakistan. In the last 10 years, there have been only 999 cross-border terrorist attacks on Indian soil as opposed to 1001 attacks in the earlier decade. This is a definite sign of easing tensions between the two nations. “

On the other side of the border, the Pakistani Dictator Khaali Muhseshareef Jr. was equally elated. For the unenlightened and those who have time-travelled to the future, the Dictator is the son of the great General Muhseshareef who was once Pakistani President. The Dictator has come to power after a similar bloodless coup in 2027, with support from the aawaam of Pakistan. These were his views on the recent developments “We are very happy that India is showing an encouraging attitude. Our borders should be opened up, so Pakistan can send in militants.. errrr… diplomats to discuss steps to maintain peace & harmony in the subcontinent. There is no problem in this world that dynamite…errr… dialogue cannot solve.”

US President Chewbacca, who created history by becoming the first country premier of alien origin (another example of American cultural diversity), also welcomed the move, through his Wookie-English translator of course. He said, “We hope that the leadership in the two countries reaches a peaceful solution over all outstanding issues. The US will continue to bolster ties between India & Pakistan. Just last week, the US Congress passed a bill for giving 20 billion dollars in food aid to Pakistan. Mr. Muhseshareef has asked for guidance on the proper dispersal of this aid from China & North Korea. May the farce be with us” (Statutory Warning: The Wookie-English translator is still in developmental stages causing possible minor errors in translation. What??? You thought the translator was a person? Dude, its 2032!!!!)

Prominent citizens on both sides of the border also expressed their excitement at the news. Says ageless Bollywood superstar Ruk Ruk Khan, who continues to play lead roles with 20-something actresses even in his sixties, “I would love to dance around trees with all the pretty actresses in Pakistan. And I am also available for dancing at weddings in all the prominent Pakistani families.”

Veteran Director Mahesh Bluff, with his servant by his side to scratch his armpit, having lost the use of his left arm to old age, was especially excited at the prospect of ‘Aman ki Asha’. “I will celebrate this ground-breaking undertaking by directing a new music video featuring the latest Pakistani rock band ‘Red Hot Gelatin Sticks’. The video will be spectacular, featuring pyrotechnics using RDX that will be specially imported from our friends in Karachi. I have contacted my good friends Mr. Chaalo Azmi & Gabbar Singh of the Samajbarbaadi Party, who will personally arrange for the import of all the materials.” His comments have come as a surprise, since he has been uncharacteristically quiet in the past few weeks, refusing to comment even in the wake of the recent terrorist bombings in New Delhi, probably out of shock, as he is often silent during such incidents, only to gather his senses to speak and condemn the police after arrests are made.

Retired Pakistani Cricketer Slowab Akhtar says ”It will be a dream come true for me to follow in the steps of Wasimbhai and go to India to guide young fast bowlers there. In order to be easily available to them, I will even consider moving to Mumbai and living in either Bandra or Colaba in a place sanctioned by the BCCI.”

There is excitement all around & we are hoping to reach our Destination Peace eventually.

May the farce be with us!!!!!!!!

Sagar Keer writes for BigFishMag. For other insane articles from me & other more misfit writers, visit www.BigFishMag.com

Avatar

Just when the Sci-Fi scene was starting to look bleak, along came James Cameron (the great soul that blessed us with the Terminator) after a decade long hiatus to deliver "Avatar". I had the privilege of watching it in IMAX 3D format and believe you me, this movie was made for this format. Two broad reasons why I just loved this movie.

The first one is the amazing story. Much like Star Wars, despite the film being set in another time and in another galaxy (not exactly "far far away", the star Alpha Centauri is pretty close), the story is but a reflection of what we see around us right here today. We as humans, recklessly abusing nature, without realizing what is really precious. In the year 2154, humans have set out to take over the moon Pandora of the planet Polyphemus, orbiting Alpha Centauri, the "oil" being the precious mineral unobtainium (the pun is intended I guess). The planet's indigenous population, the Na'Vi stand in the way & in their greed, the humans are even ready to go to war with them. Jake Sully(played by Sam Worthington), a paraplegic US Marine, is entered into the Avatar Program, after his brother's death. An Avatar (the term derived from Hindu Mythology, meaning the manifestation of God in a human form) is a biologically engineered human-Na'Vi hybrid body, that acts as a surrogate for a human to use to move on Pandora, the air being unbreathable. Each Avatar is remotely linked to a human, who can control it using his mind and allows the human to move and sense as if he were truly in place of the Avatar. Jake manages to gain the trust of the Omaticaya tribe of the Na'Vi, who are usually apprehensive of humans and are now at the brink of war with them. Though initially part of the plan, Jake realizes & sympathizes with the deep love and respect that the Na'Vi have for nature. Through Jake's journey, we are also reminded that we are destroying what's precious here on Earth too. I absolutely loved the concept of the Na'Vi way of communing with Mother Nature. Apart from the title, the director seems to have borrowed a lot more from Hindu Mythology. The ways of worship and respect towards nature are concepts deeply entrenched in Hinduism and other ancient religions, which are otherwise dismissed as "Pagan" in modern times. Ultimately, the Na'vi are the manifestations of pure beings that humans will hopefully still strive to become, so our Earth, more vibrant,diverse and beautiful than Pandora will continue to shine.

The second major reason is the technical aspects of this film. First being the ground-breaking CGI, that has rendered this wonderful environment. Whats so "ground-breaking" is that unlike other forms of motion capture (meaning capturing movements for animation using human models), the digital rendering can actually be seen live as the capture is being done, and changes to the environment can be done on the fly. The true test of animation is not its level of detail in an isolated environment (face it, those Japs cant keep harping about Final Fantasy all their lives, its now become pretty much common), but its ability to fuse in effortlessly with the live-action world. And thats where this new technology surpasses all else. You just have to see the realism of the Na'vi and other creatures on Pandora, and their seamless interaction with live action humans and objects. And being the geeky Sci-Fi fan I am, who has by now learnt of the Star Wars universe as if it were a history-geography syllabus in school, the other awesome aspect for me is the creation of this new fantasy world. I am now eager to catalog all this fictional wildlife, from the Titanothere & Thanator to the Banshee & Leonopteryx. Plus also hope to learn more about the other Na'vi tribes apart from the Omaticaya in the sequels. (Cameron has said there will be a trilogy if this movie is a success, and by the looks of things, well.... bingo!!!)

So, to end things all I have to say is Sci-Fi fan or not, geek or not, everyone will absolutely love this movie.

Long Live the Na'vi!!!!!!

Like Reflections on a Page

"Solitary Shell" by Dream Theater

He seemed no different from the rest
Just a healthy normal boy
His mama always did her best
And he was daddy's pride and joy

He learned to walk and talk on time
But never cared much to be held
and steadily he would decline
Into his solitary shell

As a boy he was considered somewhat odd
Kept to himself most of the time
He would daydream in and out of his own world
but in every other way he was fine

He's a Monday morning lunatic
Disturbed from time to time
Lost within himself
In his solitary shell

A temporary catatonic
Madman on occasion
When will he break out
Of his solitary shell

He struggled to get through his day
He was helplessly behind
He poured himself onto the page
Writing for hours at a time

As a man he was a danger to himself
Fearful and sad most of the time
He was drifting in and out of sanity
But in every other way he was fine

He's a Monday morning lunatic
Disturbed from time to time
Lost within himself
In his solitary shell

A momentary maniac
With casual delusions
When will he be let out
Of his solitary shell

An Inspiration

Being a fan of war movies, Ridley Scott's 'Black Hawk Down', based on the US Somalia operations, undoubtedly ranks among my faves. The soundtrack, like the movie, is equally superb. One song that stands out for me is the one that plays on the end credits. The tune just hit me when I was watching it for the first time leaving the movie theatre. Once I checked out the lyrics, I was truly inspired. Named 'Minstrel Boy', it is performed for the movie by Joe Strummer & the Mescaleros. But originally, it is a poem written by the Irish poet Thomas Moore in the early nineteenth century in remembrance of his friends who had fought & been martyred in the Irish Rebellion of 1798.

The lyrics:

The minstrel boy to the war is gone,

In the ranks of death you'll find him;

His father's sword he hath girded on,

And his wild harp slung behind him;

"Land of Song!" cried the warrior bard,

"Tho' all the world betrays thee,

One sword, at least, thy rights shall guard,

One faithful harp shall praise thee!"

The Minstrel fell! But the foeman's chain

Could not bring that proud soul under;

The harp he lov'd ne'er spoke again,

For he tore its chords asunder;

And said "No chains shall sully thee,

Thou soul of love and brav'ry!

Thy songs were made for the pure and free

They shall never sound in slavery!"

Footnote : Once I did listen to the entire soundtrack, I was disappointed to learn that my favourite composer A.R. Rahman has directly lifted tunes from it (viz. a song called 'Barra Barra') for the songs 'Khalbali' and the opening sequence of Rang De Basanti. :(

In case he has mentioned his inspiration, I stand corrected, but I am truly disappointed.

What I Know Now

A few things I have discovered since coming to the USA:

1) RULES. You wait for signals to cross the road on foot too. Its irritating for someone who has spent his life in Mumbai.

2) SMOOTH ROADS. An 8 hour bus journey from NYC to Buffalo is less stressful than a 1 1/2 hour busride from Kandivali to SEEPZ.

3) POLITENESS. Despite the tales of American brashness, they actually greet everyone on the street. Dont even get me started on the 'Thank You's and 'Have a nice day's when you go to counters at stores or information desks.

4) DESI. Yup, that’s what you become when you come here.

5) HOTPANTS. Need I say anything more?

6) WOODEN HOUSES. They can actually withstand all the weight.

7) CHEAP ELECTRONICS. Will Airtel or Hutch ever give you a Sony Ericsson 760 for Rs. 4000 because you took their postpaid connection?

From Mumbai to Buffalo

Well, here I am in the U S of A. Almost a week here, and still getting used to it. It is so different here. The roads, the traffic rules, the houses, the people. Some of the stereotypes I had in mind sure turned out right. The African-American brothers here do like to groove to the hip-hop beat while driving, and talk with that same Will Smith/ Chris Tucker swagger.

But speaking of Buffalo, it turned out to be a picturesque countryside. It might be the second biggest city in NY state after NYC, but the two are poles apart. Just spent an hour or so in the Big Apple, but it had the madness of Mumbai written all over it. The traffic, the crowds, the hustle-bustle wow!!! Here in Buffalo, its calm, quiet and peaceful. Ofcourse, the odd police siren goes off every hour or two, but hey its USA baby.

Now, about the SUNY Buffalo campus. I am impressed. Its divided into two actually, the North and South campus both connected by the "UB Stampede" buses that run at 10 min frequencies. It also has its own metro station(yay!!!!). The campuses are filled with halls, Starbucks Coffee/ Burger King et-all outlets, parking lots. Right now, with no work to do, I feel like being in a park. Guess it will all change real soon, but I'm looking forward to it.